I’m a guy. A christian man, in fact. The Bible tells us to have the faith of a small child. As a christian, I have made the decision to have faith in God.

I have faith that God exists, that he formed me in the womb and created me because he loved me even before I existed. I have faith that God so loved me that he sent his one and only son into this world. A world full of sin. A world full of lies, turmoil, deceit, hatred and a thousand other things that could be said about the world we live in.

I have faith that not only God, but Jesus Christ loved me so much that he allowed himself, a lamb without blemish, to live among the blemished. He lived in a world full of sin to teach us all about a better way; a way of love and faith in the Father. He not only allowed himself to die to save the world he allowed himself to take my sin, the sin of one who wouldn’t be born for 2,000 years, and carry it to the cross for me. Jesus allowed himself to be brutally treated and crucified in a most horrible fashion, because he knew I could never survive such treatment myself. For this reason he took my sin upon himself and died on the cross for me. And he rose from the grave. He defeated death itself for me and is now waiting in Heaven for me so that he can personally vouch to the Father on my behalf. Of these things I have faith.

I trust that the faith I have in the Holy Spirit is true. That I have whole-heartedly given my soul over to a better way and become a child of God. I have faith that the Holy Spirit will never leave me. I have faith that from now until the day I die the Holy Spirit will be with me. Even though my soul is troubled, even though my heart is darkened, even though my mind is not clean; I have faith that God, through his Spirit, loves me still and will never abandon me.

In all these things I have faith. I never sit and think that God has left me or abandoned me. The song Remain by Starfield sings of these things. Through this song we sing that God is with us, that when everything else fades He will remain with us, with me. I have faith in that.

Why then do I struggle with the two lines from the second verse of this song?

When troubles come my way
You guide and You sustain… lead my I pray

Why do I find it difficult to have faith that God will guide me and sustain me? Why can I have faith in so many hard to believe things, that God could love me; not just that he could love me but that he does love me, that is possibly one of the hardest things to have faith in. So why would I have faith in something so difficult to believe and struggle with faith in something so easy to believe? This same God, who stood by and watched his Son die on a cross so that I might be saved, why would I not believe that he also loves me enough to guide me, to lead me and to sustain me when I falter?

How can we have faith in something so difficult to believe and yet falter in our faith of something so… trivial? Do I really think that God would save me from certain death just to watch me wander blindly the rest of my days in this world? I know in my mind, I can know for certain from logical thought, that God does indeed guide me and lead me; that he will always sustain me if I just allow him. But knowing something and believing something are two different things. I know that God will always guide me, but I need to believe that he will guide me. Until I believe I will continue to struggle through life by following my own guidance and my own leading. I will continue to trust in being able to sustain myself — yet I know that is not the way I need to go.

Until I have the faith in my heart to follow, I follow with my logic. It is a poor substitute. One day I will find my faith that God will guide me and sustain me. The he will be the one to lead me through the darkness of this world. Until then I follow the path that I hope God wants me to follow. Until then I will cling to the words in the Chorus:

You are God with us
You’re victorious
You are strong and mighty to save

For your word stands true
There is none like You
And when all else fades You remain

When all else fades, when my own faith wavers and fades, I can will still know the truth. God’s love for me will always remain.